Effects of Domestic Abuse on Children

Following is a description of violent behaviors enacted toward children through domestic violence, as well as the affects of these behaviors on children.

Emotional Abuse: Doubting reality; fear of doing wrong; inconsistent limits and expectations by caregiver; fear of expressing feelings; inability to learn at school; low self-esteem.

Physical and mental effects: Children may feel guilt and shame, think it’s their fault; may regress to early stages of development; cranky, crabby kids; demanding and withdrawn; crave/need nurturing from anyone.

Sexual Abuse: Shame about body; feeling threatened and fearful of their sexuality; learning inappropriate sexual talk/behavior; children having access to pornography magazines and movies.

Using Children: Being put in the middle of fights; children may take on roles, responsibilities of parents and give up being children; children seen and not heard; children being used to solve conflicts; asking children to take sides in arguments.

Threats: Learn to manipulate because of their own safety issues due to effects of violence in family; expressing anger in a way that is violent, abusive, or not expressing anger at all because of their own fear.

Sexual Stereotyping: Copying abuser’s dominant and abusive behavior; copying victimized passive and submissive behavior; unable to express feelings or who they are.

Intimidation: Putting children in fear by: using looks, loud actions, loud gestures, loud voice, smashing things, destroying property; fear for their physical safety.

Isolation: Inability to develop social skills; feeling alone and different; keeping harmful “secrets”; can’t have friends over because of the need to hide the violence; not trusting of adults.

Source: Domestic abuse Intervention Project, Duluth, Minnesota, 218-722-4134.