Consider the Healthy and Unhealthy boundaries described below. If you need confidential help - the advocates at Anna Marie’s are ready to listen -- 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
Signs of Healthy Boundaries |
Signs of Unhealthy Boundaries |
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- Trusting no one...trusting everyone ...black and white thinking.
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- Revealing a little bit of yourself at a time, then checking to see how others are responding to your sharing.
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- Moving step by step into intimacy.
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- Talking on an intimate level at first meeting.
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- Putting a new acquaintance on hold until you check for compatibility.
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- Falling in love with new acquaintances, falling in love with anyone who reaches out.
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- Staying focused on your own growth.
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- Being overwhelmed by a person -- preoccupied.
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- Weighing the consequences before acting on sexual impulse.
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- Acting on first sexual impulse.
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- Being sexual when you want to be sexual -- concentrating largely on your own pleasure rather than monitoring the reactions of your partner.
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- Being sexual for partner, not self.
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- Maintaining personal values despite what others want.
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- Going against personal values or rights to please others.
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- Noticing when someone invades your boundaries.
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- Not noticing when someone invades your boundaries.
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- Asking a person before touching him/her.
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- Touching a person without asking.
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- Respect for others, not taking advantage of someone’s generosity.
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- Taking as much as you can for the sake of getting.
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- Self-respect: not giving too much in hope that someone will like you.
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- Giving as much as you can for the sake of giving.
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- Not allowing someone to take advantage of our generosity.
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- Allowing someone to take as much as s/he can from you.
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- Trusting your own decisions.
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- Letting others direct your life.
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- Defining your truth as you see it.
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- Letting others describe your reality.
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- Knowing who you are and what you want.
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- Letting others define you.
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- Recognizing that friends and partners are not mind readers.
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- Believing others can anticipate your needs.
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- Clearly communicating your wants and needs and recognizing that you may be turned down.
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- Expecting others to fulfill your needs automatically.
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- Becoming your own loving caregiver.
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- Falling apart so someone will take care of you.
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- Talking to yourself with gentleness, humor, love and respect.
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- Self-abuse, sexual, physical abuse and/or food abuse.
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- Saying “no” to food, gifts, touch, sex you don’t want.
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- Accepting good, gifts, touch, sex that you don’t want.
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