Consider the Healthy and Unhealthy boundaries described below. If you need confidential help, the advocates at Anna Marie’s are ready to listen -- 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
Remember, no one deserves to be in a violent relationship.
Signs of Healthy Boundaries |
Signs of Unhealthy Boundaries |
| Appropriate trust | Trusting no one...trusting everyone ...black and white thinking. |
| Revealing a little bit of yourself at a time, then checking to see how others are responding to your sharing. | Tell all. |
| Moving step by step into intimacy. | Talking on an intimate level at first meeting. |
| Putting a new acquaintance on hold until you check for compatibility. | Falling in love with new acquaintances, falling in love with anyone who reaches out. |
| Staying focused on your own growth. | Being overwhelmed by a person -- preoccupied. |
| Weighing the consequences before acting on sexual impulse. | Acting on first sexual impulse. |
| Being sexual when you want to be sexual -- concentrating largely on your own pleasure rather than monitoring the reactions of your partner. | Being sexual for partner, not self. |
| Maintaining personal values despite what others want. | Going against personal values or rights to please others. |
| Noticing when someone invades your boundaries. | Not noticing when someone invades your boundaries. |
| Asking a person before touching him/her. | Touching a person without asking. |
| Respect for others, not taking advantage of someone’s generosity. | Taking as much as you can for the sake of getting. |
| Self-respect: not giving too much in hope that someone will like you. | Giving as much as you can for the sake of giving. |
| Not allowing someone to take advantage of our generosity. | Allowing someone to take as much as s/he can from you. |
| Trusting your own decisions. | Letting others direct your life. |
| Defining your truth as you see it. | Letting others describe your reality. |
| Knowing who you are and what you want. | Letting others define you. |
| Recognizing that friends and partners are not mind readers. | Believing others can anticipate your needs. |
| Clearly communicating your wants and needs and recognizing that you may be turned down. | Expecting others to fulfill your needs automatically. |
| Becoming your own loving caregiver. | Falling apart so someone will take care of you. |
| Talking to yourself with gentleness, humor, love and respect. | Self-abuse, sexual, physical abuse and/or food abuse. |
| Saying “no” to food, gifts, touch, sex you don’t want. | Accepting good, gifts, touch, sex that you don’t want. |
